...

In a huge room full of people
The buzz of everyone talking
Somewhere there are a couple of kids playing Tag
And somewhere there is a couple confessing their love for the first time
And I, I'm there, in the centre of the room, standing, alone.
No.. not lonely.

I'm here.
Standing. all my atoms composed. energized.
Erratic still.
My ears filled with the sound of life.
My eyes filled with the crowd around me.
My mind.. alert.
but my heart.. filled to the brim with nothingness.

I am wide awake.
My eye glowing with conviction.
My mind screaming.. a rebel..
But I...I feel nothing.

My memories show me happy times.
But I don't remember them.
The image of smiling faces
Seem out of place.
Haunting...
Alien maybe.
They try to claw their way back.
into my thoughts.
into my heart.
but NO!
I don't know them.
They aren't mine.

Pain surges through my arteries.
threatening my very existence.

Wait.

Zoom out.
lets look at the bigger picture here.
I'm in a huge room full of people
There are a couple of kids playing
There is a couple confessing their love to each other.

And I.
I am standing in the middle of the room...
Alone..
Fighting alien memories of happiness...
Fighting every natural instinct
telling me to fall down on my knees
Give up

Right now.
I am my world.
with pain..
with a rebel mind.
and with a hollow heart.

And I know just one thing for sure...

I am at war with myself.